Thinking about taking your own life?
I’ve had it too man... throughout high school and pretty much most of my hockey career.
Nothing to be ashamed of brother.
I’ve lost former teammates. We never knew or even thought this was in their head.
Like no one knew it was in my head.
I was taking everything so seriously man.
But I was pretending sometimes that I wouldn’t give a fuck.
But I did.
I was so hard on myself man!
We take so much pride in saying this out loud. “I am so hard on myself man.”
We really want to be tough.
We believe being hard on ourselves makes us care more about winning or our performance.
Or that it will make us stronger!
We are hard on ourselves because we believe that we “should”.
Because we hate poor performance, losing, failures and not meeting our own expectations.
Being tough becomes our mask.
And we fear to see that belief that we are not enough.
The mask hiding the fact that we have some fears.
The mask hiding the fact that we are terrified.
You might feel shame right now!
Shame about your results, addictions, confusions and behaviors.
All of this combined with guilt because you are judging yourself and perhaps, the ignorance of other people that judge you on top of that.
It can fucking feel heavy man
I feel you brother! I really do!
Fucking anger emerged from within you and you sometimes just want to go get fucked up.
Overwhelmed by all this shit, you want to get the fuck out of this crazy world.
If you read this, and this is speaking to you... I hear you!
You have the right to feel the way you feel man. It is completely valid.
I’d ask you or try to convince you to reach out but I know some of you can’t even do that. It’s not even an option in your experience.
You feel trapped.
I get it man.
No need to feel guilty or worse if at the moment you can’t even reach out to someone.
Give yourself this permission slip.
Perhaps, this message is your permission slip. From all that you have heard about that you need to reach out, and you can’t even do that.
Know that this is allowed right now.
You are not doing it wrong.
No need to add any more fear that you can’t get through it unless you talk about it.
You continuing on reading this message shows that you do actually want to liberate yourself from this.
This is clear man!
It is not even a battle that you must conquer, or a fight that you must win.
Take that pressure off your shoulders brother.
These are all thoughts and beliefs systems.
Take the space to breath men.
What you really want is not for things to fall into place outside yourself but more so, first you want to liberate yourself from this despite how things look like on the outside.
You want liberation.
Can you take a moment to allow all that you feel within you to be for a moment.
Without wishing they weren’t here right now.
Can you take a deep breath and breathe into this in complete allowance.
Can you give this shame and guilt the same permission slip?
The permission to be there for the moment, for as long as they feel the need to be within you?
Can you drop the stories of what appear to be the cause of these feelings for a moment.
Simply honoring how you feel about them.
Can we create some space or openness of the way you perceive your circumstances?
Now, instead of being conclusive of the way you’re seeing this, can you perhaps say, “I don’t know this for sure to be true”.
Let’s for now, leave it in the unknown and not give circumstances too much meaning.
I don’t know for sure this to be true.
And it’s ok for this moment to not know.
And breathe into this okayness of not needing to know it all right now.
Give yourself that space.
Until you reach out, you’re not trapped!